Thursday, May 05, 2005

Names that sucked... sorry... stuck!

Years wipe out the creases, the awkwardness and a lot of times take us to vistas new... far far away from an era gone and a life lived, enjoyed and digested, and done with.

What never leaves? Yes, names. The same ones given by a bunch of losers in college, in hostels, to spice up lives which otherwise were mostly spent crawling walls.

Here's to my beloved bunch of losers. (Who when referred to by their real names are strangers to us.)

Steam Engine - This one is a wizard in slow motion. Goes through half of life with her eyes closed. It's a tedious task to even watch her waking up in the morning. She sits up (in slow motion) rubs her eyes, yawns (in slow motion), grunts a bit and declares "Oh! I am so tired...!" First thing in the morning! So Steam Engine, she is. Makes a living by being, believe it or not, a journalist! By the way, she makes glass paintings and crochet titbits for all of us. Things, we insist, she must have started in her last life, at the pace she works!

The Cow - For some strange reason, this one's the cow. Loves the good life and lives it. And talks and talks about it. Plenty of poor suckers have floundered money on the unholy cow. The trademark is a little cleavage showing between bombastic boobs. A hotshot lawyer in a European city today, married to an Irish leprechaun, Cow still signs off mails with a moo (when she bothers to write, if at all, about sipping 100 year old wine in some South of France island!)!! Bitch always farts more than she craps!

JoshPosh - Cannot live without air conditioning. Home, office and car. And eats only chicken tangris. We often remind the woman of hostel days, a major part of which were spent running after buses and packed trains. Employs 3 nannies for 1 baby girl (nannies not included in driver, housekeeper and cook). JoshPosh can be trusted to provide luxurious wining, dining and bedding to the gang whenever anybody lands up, which we all often do.

The Rat - Intelligent. Witty. Has no patience for other kinds. But will never say so on the face. Will bitch later to us. Responsible for most of these wretched names! Hi profile journo with hi profile house. Loads and loads of friends, fans and devotees. Eats less, drinks more. Had emptied half my wardrobe. Have kindly paid back by emptying half of hers too! Pretty generous, except with her books. Prefers to gift one than lend one.

Baby - Is the baby of the gang and hasn't managed to shed the cute baby fat. Of course the squeaky voice makes you want to pinch or slap the soft cheeks, depending on what the squeaky voice is hollering about. Sojourns to VLCC and Talwalkars are legendary. Is blessed with a paw on the right hand, the result of being caught in a bad fire as a kid. The scars are smartly draped with the most expensive swatch.

Crackpot - Only buys beautiful writing paper and greeting cards, writes on them and sends them to some invisible childhood friends. Forgets to wear sandals, have a bath, lock doors (including bathroom ones), call parents, meet friends, go for appointments. Wonder of wonders, Crackpot is a working mother in the U.S. All the advice that's dished to her now is, "don't forget to feed the baby and talk him to the park. Also don't forget to bathe the poor baby. And once he's bathed, don't throw him out with the bathwater."

Church PR - Calm, composed, disciplined and wears only ironed clothes. Sleeping pyjamas included. Goes to church regularly. Gently chides us for evil intentions and cushions us when in trouble. Unfailingly sends reminder mails and messages on birthdays to the forgetful rest. Co-ordinates and organizes dinners and lunches for the gang. And even buys gifts. Right vs wrong finds meaning with Church PR. What would we do without her?

Potato - V is the friend. Potato was the love sick rich bugger who followed V around. Short, round and diamond rich. So Potato was synonymous with poor V. All of us benefited. Parcels of food from all the 'cannot afford restaurants' in town arrived in the hostel for V and hungrier friends. Night clubs miraculously refused to accept entry fees and drinks were offered on the house. Potato had long hands and big pockets. V, frequent traveler entertains us with stories of foreign trips with Potato following around the globe. Update: Last met V with no Potato lurking around. Either must have got over her or diamonds must have got over.

There are quite a few more. But for lack of originality in their names (name given by friends coming pretty close to name given by parents), I deter from writing about them here. If any of them even get to know I blog and often fill my page undressing them, they will hang me naked. And before they get suspicious, let me disappear from the scene.

In case you are wondering what yours truly is called, hah, you will never guess! I would have killed The Rat long ago for naming me that. But once the cause for murder is investigated, I realize the abhorred name will be out and will cause more sensation that the actual murder. So am thinking of a supari on The Rat...


Blogger J said...

hey there!

Thanks for dropping by. And i like what i see in this blog... will be there more often :)

5:26 PM  
Blogger Pallavi said...

yo there finally i get the time to blog hop.... kaam ot phosil assilu... Rocks might be coming to mumbai for conference... I am trying to pile on to him... hehehe !!

10:39 AM  
Blogger sanguine said...

LOL .. thats a very nicely put post . my fav amongst ur frens is crackpot "..And once he's bathed, don't throw him out with the bathwater." LOL
ever wondered that one of these might be bloggin abt you too.

10:56 AM  
Blogger anumita said...

j: Thanks. Do come, do come.

pallavi: Great!! Pile on and reach here. After that, we'll paint the town. Too long since we saw you guys!

sanguine: I had written before about Crackpot where she left barefoot for college. That woman is crazy but great fun!

11:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BOY you better hope they don't read blogs! MOST curious about the journos you menshun, though (professional curiosity!).


12:06 PM  
Blogger anumita said...

Kahini: Am sure you would know the journos... yikes!! I better be careful!
Unless they have converted, they think blogging is for those who don't have a life! And I am the last person they would expect, to be blogging!
Again, who knows, they could be closet bloggers!

2:07 PM  
Blogger Chakra Sampath said...

thats a good one.

mths back, i was abt to write abt someone on my blog... didn't even imagine that he knew to operate a PC let alone read blogs... just when i was abt to post, there comes a mail from him that he accidentally bumped on my site.. gosh! i nearly had an attack!!

7:07 PM  
Anonymous Stone said...

Pretty decents names I must say..... ;-)

12:43 PM  
Blogger Sudipta Chatterjee said...

Unless your parents chose a tongue-twister for a name or unless you are pretty much off the crowd-color, you don't get nicknames like those. Anyway, they are the colours of life. Keep them coming.

7:20 PM  
Blogger AmitKen said...

heheh.. nice post that was.

reminded me of all the names i attributed tp friends of me.... and that thought put a smile on my face :o)

7:45 PM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

Hmmm...your posts remind me of my college mates...Custard, Calpol..but your Steam Engine takes the cake! LOL!

9:15 PM  
Blogger monk15ad said...

You should try and write more often. Reading your blog transports me to my good old life.

12:13 AM  
Blogger anumita said...

chakra: You can never be too sure! These guys if they ever read my blog will start blogging to avenge and write the worst of me!!!

stone: Pretty decent when you read. Not very attractive when yelled "hey cow!" or "listen crackpot!" across restaurant tables or malls!

sudipta: You will be surprised when you know their real names. They are beautiful easy words which even toothless people can pronounce fluently!

amitken: I guess we all went through that stage. I hope you still call your old friends by those names!

gratis: Hehehe!! I can't imagine being screamed "Hi custard!" Wasn't it all fun? And what about you? Were you too named?

monk15ad: Thank you. I will defintely try to kick my lazy habits and get down to writing more often.

9:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hope I am not sooo late in greeting you Happy Mother's Day!

Angel Floral

2:20 PM  
Blogger anumita said...

angel: No baby, you can wish me any time you want. But am not a mother. Yet.
How are you doing?

2:37 PM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

What a great list of names. I missed out on college dorm days, but this list could apply to many of my friends from the old neighborhood! Great post!

4:03 PM  
Blogger anumita said...

weary hag: Did I ever mention that I love your name too? Though I am sure you chose it yourself.
Am regretting now for not naming myself something fancy on the blog!

5:57 PM  
Anonymous bips said...

Hey Anumita...glad u dropped by!

but believe me u wouldnt want to do that kinda waiting....:-)

9:18 PM  
Blogger Gaurav said...

he he.. good read

11:41 PM  
Anonymous alpha said...

I fit crackpot's bill. Remind me not to have a kid.

8:57 AM  
Blogger phatichar said...

:) nice post. reminded me of my school & college mates.

1:47 PM  
Blogger anumita said...

bips: Seriously, reading your blog makes me long to do all that you do. Even if it's waiting...

gaurav: Thank you!

alpha: Sure! Will keep reminding you from time to time. Here goes the first reminder - DO NOT HAVE A KID;)

phatichar: Welcome! Weren't they wonderful days!!

4:15 PM  
Blogger None said...

got here from ammani's blog, and i do like what i see! :)
reminds me of school. we once called a P.T.teacher (huge and imposing) I.A.S. cos she was invisible after sunset. yeah, that's rude, but that's also child hood! and then there was 'Paruppu' (as in lentil), 'cutlet,' 'ant's egg' and 'lucy' ! :) boy, the floodgates are opened n memories come rushing in!!!
incidentally, i also see we started blogging about the same time.


12:56 PM  
Blogger Saltwater Blues said...

hello anumita

10:53 AM  
Anonymous Kahini said...

So now you can update, no?

9:34 AM  
Blogger anumita said...

ramya: Glad you dropped by. Glad you liked what you read. I liked what I read too.

swb: Hello swb! Good to see you here. Been at your blog for a long time.

kahini: Updatind, updating! Huff! Puff!

9:49 AM  
Anonymous Rhea said...

*wipes tears*
in my case, i identify with the Rat since i am the one labelling my friends!

7:13 PM  
Blogger Twilight Fairy said...

hostel times are the best time? :)
As for me - coining names kinda runs in my blood :)

Should I make a guess for your name ? :P..

7:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hiya Anumita,
I am still gliding in the blogland. ANd I have a crush from the same school I go to. School break is nearing. I am gonna miss him. :p

ANgel Floral

1:30 PM  
Anonymous Raxterized ! said...

Hi Anumita (Love that name), Finally I have discovered what blogging is all about. After trawling through millions of blogs, I now know what it takes to write a real blog. Frankly I was gettin a lil pissed at trash dished out which passed as ''My Feelings'' Give me a break! Quite identified myself with the Rat (yes the name creator in my clique was yours truly). Had some characters I knew back in the day...chap called as Jhingur (dont know what it meant till last week when I bumped into him and he told me that it means ''a worm'') Talk about the perfect name. Always upto some keeda or the other, some very nasty, some hilarious.....Like When I bumped into him, he told me that a very close pal of ours hit the bucket,completely deadpan ! I was shell shocked for about 4 minutes, when I saw a grin materialize. I could have stomped the keeda then and there really. Anyway some people never change. Thank God for that. We rely on these guys to take us back. What was I called as..Raxter...dunno why ? But I think it was because I was into Gangta rap a lot..Gangsta...Raxta..sounds a bit alike, eh ?
Excellent post and Yes I will be here more often !! Cheers !

1:50 PM  
Blogger anumita said...

rhea: And who gets to name you?

twilight fairy: You'll never guess!!

angel: Wow! That's nice. Take his number... call up during break and maybe meet up...

raxterized!: Welcome. Thanks, though as a kid hated my name. Thanks again for taking the trouble to write a long comment! Raxter is a cool name!

2:37 PM  

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