Names that sucked... sorry... stuck!

Years wipe out the creases, the awkwardness and a lot of times take us to vistas new... far far away from an era gone and a life lived, enjoyed and digested, and done with.

What never leaves? Yes, names. The same ones given by a bunch of losers in college, in hostels, to spice up lives which otherwise were mostly spent crawling walls.

Here's to my beloved bunch of losers. (Who when referred to by their real names are strangers to us.)

Steam Engine - This one is a wizard in slow motion. Goes through half of life with her eyes closed. It's a tedious task to even watch her waking up in the morning. She sits up (in slow motion) rubs her eyes, yawns (in slow motion), grunts a bit and declares "Oh! I am so tired...!" First thing in the morning! So Steam Engine, she is. Makes a living by being, believe it or not, a journalist! By the way, she makes glass paintings and crochet titbits for all of us. Things, we insist, she must have started in her last life, at the pace she works!

The Cow - For some strange reason, this one's the cow. Loves the good life and lives it. And talks and talks about it. Plenty of poor suckers have floundered money on the unholy cow. The trademark is a little cleavage showing between bombastic boobs. A hotshot lawyer in a European city today, married to an Irish leprechaun, Cow still signs off mails with a moo (when she bothers to write, if at all, about sipping 100 year old wine in some South of France island!)!! Bitch always farts more than she craps!

JoshPosh - Cannot live without air conditioning. Home, office and car. And eats only chicken tangris. We often remind the woman of hostel days, a major part of which were spent running after buses and packed trains. Employs 3 nannies for 1 baby girl (nannies not included in driver, housekeeper and cook). JoshPosh can be trusted to provide luxurious wining, dining and bedding to the gang whenever anybody lands up, which we all often do.

The Rat - Intelligent. Witty. Has no patience for other kinds. But will never say so on the face. Will bitch later to us. Responsible for most of these wretched names! Hi profile journo with hi profile house. Loads and loads of friends, fans and devotees. Eats less, drinks more. Had emptied half my wardrobe. Have kindly paid back by emptying half of hers too! Pretty generous, except with her books. Prefers to gift one than lend one.

Baby - Is the baby of the gang and hasn't managed to shed the cute baby fat. Of course the squeaky voice makes you want to pinch or slap the soft cheeks, depending on what the squeaky voice is hollering about. Sojourns to VLCC and Talwalkars are legendary. Is blessed with a paw on the right hand, the result of being caught in a bad fire as a kid. The scars are smartly draped with the most expensive swatch.

Crackpot - Only buys beautiful writing paper and greeting cards, writes on them and sends them to some invisible childhood friends. Forgets to wear sandals, have a bath, lock doors (including bathroom ones), call parents, meet friends, go for appointments. Wonder of wonders, Crackpot is a working mother in the U.S. All the advice that's dished to her now is, "don't forget to feed the baby and talk him to the park. Also don't forget to bathe the poor baby. And once he's bathed, don't throw him out with the bathwater."

Church PR - Calm, composed, disciplined and wears only ironed clothes. Sleeping pyjamas included. Goes to church regularly. Gently chides us for evil intentions and cushions us when in trouble. Unfailingly sends reminder mails and messages on birthdays to the forgetful rest. Co-ordinates and organizes dinners and lunches for the gang. And even buys gifts. Right vs wrong finds meaning with Church PR. What would we do without her?

Potato - V is the friend. Potato was the love sick rich bugger who followed V around. Short, round and diamond rich. So Potato was synonymous with poor V. All of us benefited. Parcels of food from all the 'cannot afford restaurants' in town arrived in the hostel for V and hungrier friends. Night clubs miraculously refused to accept entry fees and drinks were offered on the house. Potato had long hands and big pockets. V, frequent traveler entertains us with stories of foreign trips with Potato following around the globe. Update: Last met V with no Potato lurking around. Either must have got over her or diamonds must have got over.

There are quite a few more. But for lack of originality in their names (name given by friends coming pretty close to name given by parents), I deter from writing about them here. If any of them even get to know I blog and often fill my page undressing them, they will hang me naked. And before they get suspicious, let me disappear from the scene.

In case you are wondering what yours truly is called, hah, you will never guess! I would have killed The Rat long ago for naming me that. But once the cause for murder is investigated, I realize the abhorred name will be out and will cause more sensation that the actual murder. So am thinking of a supari on The Rat...