for the love of life

Life brings about myriad possibilities.

It amazes me how a day can sometimes stretch on and on and we fit in an unbelievable amount into it... every hour, every minute, every second goes on as we confortably taste every bit.

Then sometimes we wake up and blink and the day vanishes. Just like that. We have nothing to recall, nothing to account for.

I have gone through more than half my life. Whatever is left is flitting by as I watch. Is this the way it is supposed to be...? Or is there another way...?

The lives of others

There is this strange connection that I have with people. The yearning to know, to meet or to avoid. I am most happy on my own. I could go on for days without meeting a single person or speaking to anyone and I get so used to it that I start enjoying it too much.

What I absolutely strive on and am unconsciously found to be indulging in is wondering about strangers lives. I am fascinated by homes. I love walking by lanes of residences in an almost hypnotised daze. I pass house after house, sometimes they are all part of a society and look the same. But not to me. Each house, each home speaks of the inhabitants.

Inhabitants who could be different from each other but form a closed unit. Couples that nobody knows better once they shut their front door. Things shared that only living together is privileged to.

Sometimes I get a glimpse of the insides and I see a beautiful story. In the nights, the lights at different windows fascinate me. Warm yellow lamps form shadows of mystery, bright white lights that promise to show much but doesn't. I feel happy and move on seeking more stories.

At home I just have to look out and I see different activities in the different apartments in the high rise across. The lights again influence my stories as I see a family at dinner or see a child watching a cartoon show with his mother. And then I look up and watch the night sky with a few scattered clouds and infinite mystery only to relive the same stories that I discovered as a 4 year old.

so i looked at the mirror and saw the mystic clouds..

When you have time, you think about life. A few of my friends who have time like me are doing that along with me. We talk on the phone, we meet up, we spend hours talking about past and present lives. Surprising, these are successful women who are looking for meaning, for purposes, seeking clarity through confusions. And yes, everybody wants to get down to some volunteering work for the unfortunate or underprivileged.

So everybody has had some help in life. Be it going to a shrink, a tarot reader, astrologer, there is this uncertainly that seems to be pushing the younger generation to look for a solution. I suggested becoming a shrink or a psychologist is the career of the future. It's where the money is!

One friend took a course in counselling. So after the course she volunteered on weekends as a counsellor for victims of abuse, sometimes children. While she was doling out sessions in anger management and therapy for these victims of circumstances, she was finding the symptoms familiar. She slowly realised all these symptoms were present in her! That was that! She landed up at the shrink herself.

I wait my fate.

Smell of yesterday's dust

It had stopped raining and the evening looked beautiful. Cool and clean as I walked down the little lane near my house. The cluster of little wet houses with a few people leisurely taking a walk and two little children running after each other was delightful. It suddenly took me back to a long time ago. I was surprised how two days can be so connected. Different times different eras. And it struck me why living here brings me a strange peace. Childhood tugs at my heart. A glimpse of a time gone.

As a child, all I wanted was to get out of that little town, live in faraway lands, eat different food, lead a different life. Now I am doing exactly that.

And yet. Life has come a full circle. I savour every bit of nostalgia. I treasure every memory and try to relive it. I find comfort in the simple food of yesteryears. I am most comfortable with early mornings, a childhood habit. And the rains, they have some amazing memories.

What is it? Age? That makes one look back so much? Are we done with creating memories and now just look at re-living them... or is it a content life... we need nothing more...

Really!

Where the answers were blowing in the wind...

Parthenon


Apollo Temple and Oracle at Delphi


Ampitheatre at Acropolis


Monastery at Meteora


Street shopping, Athens


The Acropolis in Athen at night


Serving a gyro with a smile!

I didn't really believe the Greek guide when she pointed out a road far out in the valley. There was a crossroad too. Legend has it, she said, that Oedipus killed his father Laius, King of Thebes, just after the crossroad there.

And at Delphi, the place still felt so sacred. One could almost feel the power of the Oracle and the prophesies. This was the place responsible for changing the fate of man and nations alike in the olden days. I stood before the pillars that were the entrance to the Oracle and thought of anything that I may need the answer to... zilch! Why do I blank out at these times?!!

Beautiful people, beautiful places and amazing food. Life moved at an easy pace, with music, laughter, gyros, late nights and the acropolis towering over Athens. And then we went over to Turkey.

Bakhlava, kebabs, the majestic mosques and their beautiful minerets. We walked by the seaside, we crossed over to the Asian side and walked lanes and lanes of beautiful Turkish life. We got onto the Bosphorus cruise and at night checked out the amazing night life. But the most amazing thing was the sight of the sacred relics - the walking stick of Moses (yes, the one that parted the Red Sea!), Abraham's turban, the skull of John the Baptist, Prophet Mohammad's hair, his footprint on the famous stone, a handwritten letter by him...!!! I stared at it all spellbound.

And so another holiday ended. But it felt good to get back and get down to things I had lined up. Painting the house, making a few changes... something I had been wanting to do for the last 4-5 years. Changes that I need to take me to the next phase.

a fool's paradise

Only fools quit their jobs and go holidaying in Greece. One day, it struck me that I shall be rushing to work every morning and coming back late every night and it will go on and on for years till I die. So I straightened my broken back and walked in to tell my gem-of-a-boss that I wished to leave. He gave me a world of options that I didn't deserve, to go on working. I was tempted but thinking again I realized it wouldn't be fair to look at options of working less when I still have so much to learn. So I did the unthinkable in these recessionary times.

Please refrain from thinking this time will be used only for leisures and pleasures. It'll also be devoted to strengthening the weak back, the one I cannot even sit straight with or stand or sleep. There is a constant pain that nags all the time. So I shall pay heed to "health is wealth" and concentrate on being ultra fit and able to run the marathon in Houston next year.

Till then I am off to explore a little corner of the world, Greece, with a few days in Turkey on my way back. Coming, anyone?

choose your colours and paint the rainbow

Sometimes things are so impossibly beautiful that it gets difficult to accept them. Today is one such day. Perfect.

Fluffy clouds intermittently hide a blue sky, letting the sun play peek-a-boo. I get up and survey the mess in the house. Without a maid, it's getting difficult to maintain a squeaky clean home. Last night’s dinner mats are still lying on the dining table. The kitchen sink is half full of dirty dishes. The sunlight is passing through the green beaded curtain and each bead is looking like a jewel.

I get down to clearing the mess and cooking some food. And as any manic Monday requires I am rushing through breakfast, grabbing my keys and am in the car for the long drive to work. Driving to work is a tricky thing now. While some days I make it comfortably and walk in smiling at everyone, there are days when the tall glasses of water and juices I have in the mornings catch up with me. I pray for traffic to disappear and my bladder to hold. But on an over-one-hour drive, prayers need miracles too.

The now familiar roads allow the luxury of observation. The fiery gulmohurs along a stretch, the rows of streetlights aligned neatly when I drive on the extreme right. A little change in the road position and the alignment changes! And then the weather, oh, so beautiful! I love it that every day is different. I long to go with the changes... why should I be doing the same thing when everything else changes, when seasons too change...?

Shouldn't I have filled up my life when I am ready to exit this world? Forget the bladder, the backpain is getting serious. I need to take care of it, heal it once and for all. Or maybe I should just try and do other things and have the backpain disappear on its own. That's what happened the last time.

For now, the pleasure is in this gorgeous day and towards different planes ahead.