au revoir!

it's been amazing having this space to myself... to dream, to write, to take flight. but it has sadly no longer remained my own. so like i do with everything else that moves away from me, i am giving it up.
i will of course have another little space you are welcome to. if you want to visit, just send me a mail and i will send you the directions.

a silence that speaks

If nothing else, driving is one thing I have been doing a lot of since a couple of months. I have come to enjoy the solitude of being on my own, sometimes music accompanying, sometimes the silence. While you know the traffic patterns like the back of your hand, you still wonder how different drivers have different minds and different minds have different thoughts.

I am a strict follower of road rules. While earlier I was guilty of speeding at 120kmph on the sea link, the new rule limiting the speed to 50kmph has me following exactly that. When others pass me by, I couldn't care less. Rules are rules for me.

Today an ordinary incident left me with a strange feeling. Moving at a snail's speed at a bottleneck, I could hear the shrill siren of an ambulance. I checked front and behind and saw the ambulance stuck somewhere way behind hopelessly trying to inch forward. I made a little space and moved sideways... the cars behind me immediately took the opportunity to move ahead. I was raging. Rolling down my window I yelled and waved at every car to give way to the deafening siren.

Finally the ambulance moved past and I heaved a sigh of relief. Just then my eyes fell on a face peeping out of the back of the ambulance. An elderly woman looked at me blankly. In that slight second, that face spoke of a pain very very deep. In that split second that face appealed for faith. In that split second that face silently thanked the crowd for letting them go ahead. In that split second she cast a look that spoke of hope against certain defeat.

It's a face that will haunt me for a long long time.

for the love of life

Life brings about myriad possibilities.

It amazes me how a day can sometimes stretch on and on and we fit in an unbelievable amount into it... every hour, every minute, every second goes on as we confortably taste every bit.

Then sometimes we wake up and blink and the day vanishes. Just like that. We have nothing to recall, nothing to account for.

I have gone through more than half my life. Whatever is left is flitting by as I watch. Is this the way it is supposed to be...? Or is there another way...?

The lives of others

There is this strange connection that I have with people. The yearning to know, to meet or to avoid. I am most happy on my own. I could go on for days without meeting a single person or speaking to anyone and I get so used to it that I start enjoying it too much.

What I absolutely strive on and am unconsciously found to be indulging in is wondering about strangers lives. I am fascinated by homes. I love walking by lanes of residences in an almost hypnotised daze. I pass house after house, sometimes they are all part of a society and look the same. But not to me. Each house, each home speaks of the inhabitants.

Inhabitants who could be different from each other but form a closed unit. Couples that nobody knows better once they shut their front door. Things shared that only living together is privileged to.

Sometimes I get a glimpse of the insides and I see a beautiful story. In the nights, the lights at different windows fascinate me. Warm yellow lamps form shadows of mystery, bright white lights that promise to show much but doesn't. I feel happy and move on seeking more stories.

At home I just have to look out and I see different activities in the different apartments in the high rise across. The lights again influence my stories as I see a family at dinner or see a child watching a cartoon show with his mother. And then I look up and watch the night sky with a few scattered clouds and infinite mystery only to relive the same stories that I discovered as a 4 year old.

so i looked at the mirror and saw the mystic clouds..

When you have time, you think about life. A few of my friends who have time like me are doing that along with me. We talk on the phone, we meet up, we spend hours talking about past and present lives. Surprising, these are successful women who are looking for meaning, for purposes, seeking clarity through confusions. And yes, everybody wants to get down to some volunteering work for the unfortunate or underprivileged.

So everybody has had some help in life. Be it going to a shrink, a tarot reader, astrologer, there is this uncertainly that seems to be pushing the younger generation to look for a solution. I suggested becoming a shrink or a psychologist is the career of the future. It's where the money is!

One friend took a course in counselling. So after the course she volunteered on weekends as a counsellor for victims of abuse, sometimes children. While she was doling out sessions in anger management and therapy for these victims of circumstances, she was finding the symptoms familiar. She slowly realised all these symptoms were present in her! That was that! She landed up at the shrink herself.

I wait my fate.

Smell of yesterday's dust

It had stopped raining and the evening looked beautiful. Cool and clean as I walked down the little lane near my house. The cluster of little wet houses with a few people leisurely taking a walk and two little children running after each other was delightful. It suddenly took me back to a long time ago. I was surprised how two days can be so connected. Different times different eras. And it struck me why living here brings me a strange peace. Childhood tugs at my heart. A glimpse of a time gone.

As a child, all I wanted was to get out of that little town, live in faraway lands, eat different food, lead a different life. Now I am doing exactly that.

And yet. Life has come a full circle. I savour every bit of nostalgia. I treasure every memory and try to relive it. I find comfort in the simple food of yesteryears. I am most comfortable with early mornings, a childhood habit. And the rains, they have some amazing memories.

What is it? Age? That makes one look back so much? Are we done with creating memories and now just look at re-living them... or is it a content life... we need nothing more...

Really!

Where the answers were blowing in the wind...

Parthenon


Apollo Temple and Oracle at Delphi


Ampitheatre at Acropolis


Monastery at Meteora


Street shopping, Athens


The Acropolis in Athen at night


Serving a gyro with a smile!

I didn't really believe the Greek guide when she pointed out a road far out in the valley. There was a crossroad too. Legend has it, she said, that Oedipus killed his father Laius, King of Thebes, just after the crossroad there.

And at Delphi, the place still felt so sacred. One could almost feel the power of the Oracle and the prophesies. This was the place responsible for changing the fate of man and nations alike in the olden days. I stood before the pillars that were the entrance to the Oracle and thought of anything that I may need the answer to... zilch! Why do I blank out at these times?!!

Beautiful people, beautiful places and amazing food. Life moved at an easy pace, with music, laughter, gyros, late nights and the acropolis towering over Athens. And then we went over to Turkey.

Bakhlava, kebabs, the majestic mosques and their beautiful minerets. We walked by the seaside, we crossed over to the Asian side and walked lanes and lanes of beautiful Turkish life. We got onto the Bosphorus cruise and at night checked out the amazing night life. But the most amazing thing was the sight of the sacred relics - the walking stick of Moses (yes, the one that parted the Red Sea!), Abraham's turban, the skull of John the Baptist, Prophet Mohammad's hair, his footprint on the famous stone, a handwritten letter by him...!!! I stared at it all spellbound.

And so another holiday ended. But it felt good to get back and get down to things I had lined up. Painting the house, making a few changes... something I had been wanting to do for the last 4-5 years. Changes that I need to take me to the next phase.